Shadow (dariaphoebe) wrote,
Shadow
dariaphoebe

I stood back out of the way as I waited in the bathroom line after the morning's service. My rush to get in place to hear the piece before the service meant my unmet need had become imminent if not severely urgent. A look came to her face as I pressed myself flat to the wall to let her pass from the back stall to the sink. Since graduating high school, most of the time in my life spent in space which was explicitly gendered was in public restrooms, and I was careful to the point of pain since the first years of grade school to always use a stall.

There are the earnest misunderstandings of my motivations, and then there are the more insidious ones. I've been privileged to not be exposed to people who dog me with allegations of the latter, something I know not everyone in my shoes can say. But it's definitely an eased burden when you aren't left to constantly justify that you're just trying to live your life; that you're not trying to cloak yourself in the guise of a victim, of assuaging guilt by shedding the advantages accorded to half the denizens of the planet, or of engaging in something with prurient interest. Still, I knew that were I forced to explain, finding the words to describe my situation to a presumable stranger, a way to offer that this was not just an excuse to play dress-up or something similarly conceited instead of an attempt to best present the person I am while under the pressure of a personal attack, would be crushing.

Just as fast as the look appeared, it passed. She offered no unkind words, and perhaps seeing the urgency furrowed into my brow offered to let me dash past her, but I stayed until she got through the narrow passage before hurrying to the back to take my turn.

Step 95: There will be situations for which preparation is unlikely or impossible. Try as you can, but do not let them run your life.
Tags: bathrooms, transition
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