Shadow (dariaphoebe) wrote,
Shadow
dariaphoebe

"What accomplishments do you feel like you own?", she asked. After some pondering, I came up with none. She knew the sort of answers I gave, so when it came out of my mouth that I felt like you could pretty much drop any person into my life and they'd probably do at least as good at it as me, the reaction was consternation, but not surprise. "So anyone could do your job?" "Certainly a lot of people could" "And anyone could be married to Gwen?" "Well, no, there are bigamy laws". Well, at least she could count on me for my technically accurate if completely missing the point answers.

Finally, after some further discussion, I offered "Yes. I know what I can own." She looked on, and I continued: "In spite of the many ways I am broken, I get up every day and lead a reasonably well-adjusted life where I am generally happy." After some further discussion, a manageable goal emerged: when I am denigrating myself, an injection that I am keeping myself down again. Sure. I'm self-aware. I figured out long ago that most of my problems are internally generated. Repeatedly affirming what I long ago internalized isn't even a stretch.

Step 29: maybe reflecting on your flaws is not a cure, but being aware is at least a point on the path to finding one.
Tags: accomplishment, transition
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