Shadow (dariaphoebe) wrote,
Shadow
dariaphoebe

I'd been here just two weeks before. My ride that day started mere feet from this one. But today, unlike that day, I was topping 15mph as I pushed up the wet trail on the hill, instead of the slog up a dry surface before when I struggled to hold 11mph. The surface was had a little bit of drag from the wetness. The difference was certainly not how fit I was.

Quite by accident I almost ended up in the same pink sundress I'd worn for the trip to Cumberland, but wanting to avoid the smell of campfire, I changed while cooking breakfast and and then immediately went on the ride. It was even the same pair of shoes.

Just days before, my therapist had pointed out that the wall I carried to put up around myself probably didn't serve me well in terms of needing to carry that burden. The inclination was some smart-ass retort, which of course only proved the point. But I bit my tongue.

Of course, the burden of carrying who I am and worrying about harsh treatment as I showed my true self to more people was a big one. But the unpleasant circumstances of the week forced me to shed some of that; there was no time for such worries.

Today, unlike last time, it was me, and a bike. I had a campsite I would be returning to. There was no sleeping bag, no thermarest bungeed off the bike. Friends with vehicles were nearby, so I didn't even have spare tubes or a pump. The burden was not needed, so I let it go. My reward was a brisk ride, hiding in the trees through a light rain, pushing myself while still having beautiful scenery surrounding me as I just concentrated on moving along and taking in it.

Step 64: learn which burdens you carry that are superfluous, unnecessary or stale, and leave them. Life is hard enough.
Tags: cycling, transition
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