Shadow (dariaphoebe) wrote,
Shadow
dariaphoebe

In the midst of a stressful week, she asked for a ride to work. She'd been burning the candle at both ends preparing for her role in a show, and so it was understandable. After procrastinating a bit too long, I hastily found some clothes so I'd look presentable, throwing on the dress I'd typically wear for my morning bike ride up the hill, and we left. The ride was quick, maybe 10 minutes for the something like 2 miles between home and her office. As she got out, I wished her a happy anniversary.

As I pulled away from the curb while she went inside, I considered an article I'd read the day before. The article detailed the perils you faced if someone took an interest in disrupting your life, and why they might decide to. The key point was that when people started to pay attention to you, those who felt that attention to be undeserved would then set about seeking revenge for some unknown wrong. Such a thing would be horrible for me, and I knew if it were ever to happen, she'd be dragged into it with me. Better, from that perspective, to be anonymous: To not make a difference.

Anonymity, though, isn't simple. And for me, my conspicuousness makes it even less so. The postal clerks get my packages before I can even get to the front of the line and show id. When I meet people, they are able to recount events they'd seen me at before, things we had in common. I never tried to avoid living my life in the light, and I didn't want to now either, but there was a difference between in the light, and under a spotlight.

I didn't want anyone to be collateral damage in my life, but perhaps I was worrying too much. I knew I was ill-equipped at the moment to make any great difference in the world. I could do more than nothing, but I would be no one's miracle-worker. Not any time soon, anyway.

Step 79: Understanding the risks you take, and their implications for others, is important, but stay grounded in reality. Not every possible mess is a probable mess.
Tags: cycling, transition
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