You see, it's been 88 days since the divorce was filed. That means, Allegheny County court system load willing, I will end the week divorced, thus reaching my goal of ending 2009 single, broke and homeless(*).
It's been more than 4 years, and I'd like to think I've changed for the better in that time. I still have plenty of flaws. At the beginning, having been unhappy for long enough, and resultantly positively miserable at coworkers, I figured my penance would be to be single and alone forever. I even wondered if a fresh start in a new city where I wouldn't be saddled with notions of me from who I was weren't always around would be good for me. Things have worked out better than that, though I still bear scars in the form of irrational paranoia that I am an outsider somewhere between unwanted and tolerated.
The biggest lesson to me has been that, whether I agree or disagree with the means, there are a lot of sincere people trying to make a difference that it's nice to interact positively with, even if that interaction is based on the disagreement of means.
I was reflecting earlier today on the fact that I feel less effective as someone who doesn't use the power of negativity as a tool. At the same time, going back to being miserable is not a tenable position. So, what I'd like to learn going forward is how to be useful while still being positive. I suspect it will be a lesson long in the learning.
* - in the strictest sense, namely, legally single, negative net worth and sans tangible assets, and no longer a homeowner.
