September 6th, 2004


Recognizing one's personality defects

I've been pondering these for quite a while. There are some things I do which are out-and-out strange, but I've been unable to make myself change over the years.
Walking away from your mistakes.
Usually, it's not forever, but when I feel I've gotten myself into a bad situation, I usually try to get some distance from it, instead of dealing. When I was buying my house, I briefly felt it was a mistake between making an offer, and completing the purchase, and so didn't deal with the home inspection until the last minute. And maybe it was a mistake, simply because I still work at CMU... or maybe still working at CMU is the mistake.
On the day we spilled the oil tank I noticed my brother has the same problem: He wanted to run away when it was clean we'd need to call the fire department. I understood, and told him to go to Sheetz and get us food; We hadn't eaten in hours.

Relationship (including, but not especially professional) paranoia.
Because I've been a slacker and not seen my dentist, or my doctor, or my eye doctor, regularly, I can't bring myself to make appointments to see them, because I have this problem where I feel I damaged the relationship. At an emotional level, switching to a new provider would be easier. Luckily my health has been generally good, so this hasn't been a real issue. Yet. And it's sometimes the same way with people I haven't talked to in a while; I'd like to find out how they're doing, have lunch, whatever, and I can't bring myself to get in touch.

Once a potential project or goal has come to mind, I have a hard time letting it lapse until I've finished it or reached (and proven to myself that I have reached) an impasse. Sometimes, though, this means I do something only to have someone else do it better and more thoroughly in the months afterward, and so I've basically wasted my time except for whatever educational value I got for it.

Longing for what I've missed.
It happens with places, events, products... for instance, I recently found out about the XM PC Receiver, which is basically a USB XM radio receiver; They were going for as low as $15 the week before I found them, and as little as $150 the week I did. For $15 (or even for retail of $50) it's interesting. For $150, I'm cranky I missed it. I don't do a good job of dealing with this.

Longing for what I've lost.
The examples here are abundant. My favorite radio station will have been gone for 8 years tomorrow. My favorite restaurant has been gone for 5, also as of about now. And there's the office that I gave up basically in exchange for what's turned out to be nothing at this time last year. Maybe the end of summer is just a bad time, but I have trouble letting go.

None of this renders me non-functional as a person, but each has some effect, and occasionally they combine in interesting ways. I suppose, all told, that I could be doing a lot worse.
Edit: hm. lj-cut seems to not work inside <dl> tags. bleh.