Shadow (dariaphoebe) wrote,

"You seem so much happier." It's been said more than once. I don't get it. When I quit CMU I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I didn't feel miserable anymore. But somehow, life is better. I don't have to hide who I am anymore. I didn't realize it was such a burden. I guess it was.

Before and after Easter service, at least 3 people tried to be welcoming, thinking I was new. I suppose it's not surprise I stick out. They asked if I was new. No, I was married here in 2010. They all still seemed happy I was there. Am I unusual?

It's come up elsewhere, not in reference to me, people laying blame elsewhere about the hand they were dealt. The idea that no benevolent god would do this to you.

I can't tell you this is more a challenge than others face. I'm pretty sure it's not. It's different, to be sure. Is it really worse than any other illness? It's basically a lifelong, non-life-threatening glandular malfunction. It's inconvenient. Oh well.

Of course I'm happy. I don't hate my body. It's not quite one I feel at home in, but that's only different from most others because of particulars. I have more people on my side than I probably deserve. I feel obliged to get up and do us all proud. Do the best I can today, probably not good enough, and then fall over until I get another chance tomorrow. I will probably never get to my destination. But nothing is discouraging me from continuing to try.

Step 30: keep going. There will always be adversity. You will never get there. You can always get closer.
Tags: adversity, body, transition

  • (no subject)

    For just a moment, as I continued along my riverside path, I let my eyes turn inland. There wasn't much reason to: ahead of me lie the trail I…

  • (no subject)

    As we stood at the curb, we talked about the city, the place I now called home. Until moments before, it had been business as we walked around an…

  • (no subject)

    As the rest of the band stepped away, just one remained. He delivered just a single verse, acoustic, before the others returned for the final song of…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.