Shadow (dariaphoebe) wrote,

It was dark and cool. I'd left the house later than planned, and didn't even make it to the river before I felt too cold to continue without a jacket, but now, after climbing several hundred feet across and out of the river valley, I was sweating lightly under the jacket as I propelled myself in the darkness across the third bridge so far on the ride, in a newly-added bike lane. I considered the day as it had transpired.

A midday adventure had taken me away from home for lunch and then some. Before it did, in the midst of some work discussion, kibbitzing brought a mention of the best schools. An education from my university was considered the best in the country... if you studied computer science. In the 15 years since I belatedly got my single undergraduate degree in Civil Engineering, I had spent not a single day using it. But it had given me food for thought, food I then didn't consume because I'd been busy the rest of the day until that moment.

I turned off at a quiet intersection and climbed the lower part of the hill, cutting off well before the top to skirt the hill to the north, opting for a gentler grade en route to my friends' apartment. As soon as I did, I heard a lot of hubbub. The building on the hillside above me surely had a game going on. The well-lit space almost directly in front of me had folks playing tennis in the brisk night air. I continued along, passing all the buildings where I had lived for the 3 and a half years of my undergraduate career. I remembered talking a walk with my advisor when she took me to see the department head, only another 3 and a half years after that, to see what needed to happen to finish the degree I'd for all intents walked away on, and his words to me. Were it not her for taking an interest in pushing me along, would I be where I am? I hadn't seen her for many months, and the last time I did she passed me without a glimmer of recognition. Little surprise.

For the 2 days before, I'd felt several times on the verge of tears for no real reason. Several friends pointed out the timing was probably not coincidental: I'd just started my 10 days-a-month dose of one of the hormones. Still, whatever it had awakened in me that it hadn't the month before seemed to push me toward being more receptive of the world around me. It was time to let some pain, some anguish, some bitterness fro my history go. It was a burden I no longer needed to carry.

Step 77: regardless of whether it seems the people helping you are doing it because or in spite of the framework that brings you together, be mindful of whatever brought you there.
Tags: college, transition

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