Shadow (dariaphoebe) wrote,

The morning was dreary, and I punted my ride up the hill. The daily route I'd chosen was hard, and wet pavement from overnight rain surely wouldn't improve it. The day would be hard enough to manage as it was, and my plan involved exercise later.

We were re-syncing on status, professionally as well as personally, and I told him where things stood. His reply read, "You've chosen a hard road." Consternation flashed across my face. What did he mean by chosen?

As things worked out, the part of my plan which involved crossing the river and climbing out of the valley in the afternoon didn't happen. I felt bad for staving off the morning ride with an excuse that wasn't even valid. I wanted to keep building strength while I was able, especially in case the side effects my doctor feared came to pass, and it wasn't going to happen unless I kept pushing.

After pausing a moment, I continued the discussion. He knew the history, and I knew what he meant. The choice was not the one I felt anguished at being accused of. The choice, the one that demanded carrying a load I sometimes struggled to shoulder, was to stop ignoring the problem.

Step 84: Moving forward isn't easy. Progress always has its price. Until you're willing to pay it, it's hard to realize your goals and ambitions. Start paying sooner, lest the burden become too much.
Tags: transition

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