Shadow (dariaphoebe) wrote,
Shadow
dariaphoebe

The route I was taking was one which I often cycled while crossing the city. Today, though, I was just riding in a circle, albeit one chosen to maximize the hills I'd need to climb. 35 minutes on, I felt as though I hadn't worked hard enough. My body yearned to be pushed harder. "It's a dynamo," I thought, "screaming to be spun up to full power." I'd just spent a while struggling to get some software I was developing to do what I wanted, and while it still didn't, my mental processes were every bit as engaged as I rode as my physical ones.

I turned the corner and climbed the slight upgrade several blocks before stopping at a traffic light. The ride was gravy, an unexpected bonus on a day where I expected no break in the weather. The remaining portion of my circle was not long, but I knew what I needed to do.

As the light changed, I pulled away, and after crossing the intersection pushed myself relentlessly at the hill. 10 meters. 20. 40. I'd climbed over 50 in the couple blocks the hill traversed, watching them tick off in the eyepiece of my goggles. When I reached the crest, I tapered off my effort, and let the breathlessness wash over me.

How do I bottle this up? How do I, in other moments where I am struggling to simply keep up with my load, tap this? Most importantly, I wondered as I coasted to the next light, how do I help others get here?
Tags: body image, cycling, transition
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