Shadow (dariaphoebe) wrote,

When I can see I'll try again

Twice yesterday I heard things which were poignant but not at all expected. Twice the world shook a bit under my feet.

I went to bed quite late, and so my brother's early afternoon call woke me up. He asked if he could come steal some wood from my basement, and when he finally showed up I went and helped him drag off some plywood. As we loaded his truck, I asked him his thoughts on my back porch, which isn't as pretty as it could be. His opinion was that it had stood like that since I bought it, that I should just sell, that it would sell, and I'd get about what I wanted... just finish the kitchen and get the carpet. Also, he said, consider getting the woodwork around the windows painted or aluminumed.

So that's now the short list. That, and getting rid of stuff.

But the other thing was, just before I collapsed from exhaustion at the end of the night, something (friend in NYC I shouldn't name) told me. We were musing about some unpleasantry, and what he told me about some work issues I could only offer that in the same situation, I had walked away. But this thread of conversation evolved, and what he ended up telling me was that my life was pretty good (well, yes), it just seemed that I needed to go out and find some friends with similar interests who were more local. Without missing a beat, I asked, "what, exactly, is keeping me here? why is local here?"

To some extent I have done shockingly well even in cities where I am alone and know nobody, not that that's really preferable. If the choice is to be alone here, or leave, it's an obvious choice, but I guess it's not that simple. Still, perhaps I will not end up on the South Side, or even in Cleveland or Columbus. Maybe it's time for the bigger picture.

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